


Home is where you make it

by Artificial Pichitinha (Pichitinha)



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Christmas fic, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Lesbian AU, Romance, girl au, holiday fic, just a stupid little fluff fic with no real plot I guess I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-01 22:20:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13304526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pichitinha/pseuds/Artificial%20Pichitinha
Summary: And still they manage to always know what the other meant or how their sense of humor works or where their train of thought is going when an unknown situation happens. They know each other. They get each other. And that's why they work.Trixie doesn't really do families, but she's willing to try it out for Katya.





	Home is where you make it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [artificiallale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificiallale/gifts).



> Ok so it was Christmas morning and there was some old movie or something on TV about someone knocking the door on a winter day and then I thought why not write a fic with it, so I did. Tomorrow (today, I guess, it's past midnight in England) is [Rosie](https://crackerdyke.tumblr.com/)'s birthday so this goes as a crappy but full of love gift to her because she's been the most amazing friend to me recently and she deserves all of the love, even if in the form of badly written stories. Happy birthday, Rosie, you're amazing! <3

If there's one thing that Trixie is completely and one hundred percent sure about is that she and Katya are a perfect match. And she doesn't mean it in the _we're soulmates destined to be with each other_ kind of way, but more of a realistic view that, given how their minds work, there's really no one else for either of them that would understand them so completely.

It's not like they're the same or even all that similar. Even through some weird similarities there are several important aspects of their personalities that don't match at all. And still they manage to always know what the other meant or how their sense of humor works or where their train of thought is going when an unknown situation happens.

They know each other. They get each other. And that's why they work.

Still, there's one particular topic in which they more often than not feel disconnected, where they can see where the other is coming from, but never quite get there to fully _understand it_.

Being a lesbian and coming out for Trixie are two highly separate aspects of her childhood and adolescence, two discernable facts that have in different ways molded who she is. She's known since forever that she wasn't straight. There was never a _do I like girls_ phase, she did, she always did, and boys had never been on her mind, not even through forced home and TV heteronormativity.

Still, her family was not the type of family where she could talk about it. So she knew it, deep within her soul, loud and clear from a very young age, but she could never voice it to her siblings or her mom or, god forbid, her step-dad. And she hated keeping that secret, hated having to pretend to be something she was not and not fully feeling like a part of her own family because they didn't really _know_ her. That barrier had taken a toll on her journey through sexuality, because she rarely really felt comfortable to - or even like she should or could - try things with girls. High school years were absolute hell and she couldn't wait to go to college where she could maybe be herself.

It was on the way to the airport to take a flight to California where she'd be studying that she told her mom, unable to keep the words locked anymore at the prospect of being away from her family for months. Her mom had tensed, hands tightening on the wheel as she considered what to say. She'd plastered a fake, horrible smile on her face and told Trixie they didn’t have time to discuss that at the moment. Trixie knew that whatever came after that wouldn’t be good, and sure enough the letter had come in just a week later, telling her they couldn't really accept that and that she must be confused and that they could maybe find a therapist to help her.

Trixie had cut her family out that same day, never looking back.

Katya, on the other hand, had had an extremely different experience.

Growing up she had never really questioned whether or not she was straight. She just assumed that everyone was, herself included. From a very young age she got involved in not so great things and therefore kissing boys never seemed like that big of a deal. Everybody did it and so could she. It's not like she hated it, even, but it's not like she loved it either.

She tried having sex with one, once, when she was sixteen and decided that maybe it was time to lose her virginity. It didn't take long into the preliminaries for her to realize that she wasn't into it at all.

Maybe she just wasn't ready, right?

Except she was, something that was proven less than two weeks later when she found herself curiously kissing her best friend on her parents couch and lost her virginity to sloppy fingers and an uncoordinated tongue.

And she didn't love it, but she absolutely didn't hate it.

She still identified as straight for a while. That was just a one time thing and she hadn’t been exactly drunk but there was some alcohol in her system so that’s probably what happened, right?

And then it happened again and again and again while she was sober. Always with a girl. Each time better.

So she identified as bisexual, thinking about all the boys she'd been with, believing she could still one day have sex with one.

It wasn't until the next time she tried that she realized it really was a big nope. Her best friend at the time, the one she had had the couch experience with, was a bisexual girl that had made her see that maybe she's been wrong about the boys all along.

She struggled for a while, not sure whether the could see herself as a lesbian yet. What about the _previous_ boys? Could this have been just a one time thing? Wouldn't she end up liking boys again in the future? Maybe exclusively?

She kept on that internal battle for a long time, trying to force herself to like boys and never able to, trying to not notice girls but finding it impossible.

It was also on her way to the airport to go to California for college that she'd told her entire family that she thought she was a lesbian. She'd been in the middle seat in between her brother and sister, her parents in the front, and had blurted it out as soon as the last topic of conversation died. They'd been almost there and stayed in silence for the remaining fifteen minutes of the ride, Katya's anxiety eating away at her. And then, as they left the car, they had collectively hugged her tight and her mom made her promise that if she got a girlfriend, she'd try to convince her to go home for spring break so they could meet her. She'd cried on her father’s shoulder and hoped they didn’t notice.

A week later she had gotten a care package through the mail, and it had included not only a little pride flag pin, but a picture of her parents and both her siblings, all of them wearing one. She'd hung the photo above her bed that very moment and put the pin every morning no matter the outfit she chose.

So, yes, they approach things differently when it comes to being a lesbian and to being an _outed_ lesbian. And Trixie's pretty sure that this plays a role into the discussion they're having right now.

"Trixie, it's just my family. They know I'm gay, they know you're gay, they know we are gay _together_. They don't care!"

Trixie knows that Katya means well, that all she wants is to spend the holidays with Trixie while also getting Trixie to not have yet another miserable Christmas. She knows it and she loves Katya for it. But it's like she doesn't _get_ it.

"Katya, it's nothing against your family. Really, from the few times you forced me to facetime with them and from the millions of times that I've seen you guys talking, I'm sure they are amazing. But I don't do _families_ . That's not… that's not something I know how to _do_."

Trixie expects Katya to either get angry or utterly quiet, knows how she takes matters of her family to heart and would fight almost anyone for them. It's expected, actually, because her family _is_ amazing, Trixie's never really met them but she knows it is, and she's thankful her girlfriend has that.

Still, Katya gives her the most sincere and heartwarming smile in history and Trixie feels her entire body get warm with love. She barely notices when she takes her hand in hers, but then she squeezes them tight and Trixie knows she'll give in. "Trix, baby, that's exactly why I want you to come. My family is going to _love_ you. They are, I am so sure of it, and you're gonna have such a good time. And you'll be with me, at least, even if everything else goes wrong. Please?"

Trixie bites her bottom lip, still unsure. Katya's words make sense and she's not looking forward to spending Christmas alone. She knows that Katya would cancel her trip home if she asked, that they'd spend it together and that they'd enjoy themselves, but she also knows that she gets Katya all year round just to herself and that she really misses her family and her sister just had a baby girl that she's dying to meet.

They've been dating for almost three years. This year they both graduate college and they're planning on getting an apartment together. Maybe it's time she met Katya's family.

Katya opens her mouth ready to fight more, but Trixie just squeezes her hand back and she shuts up. "Okay."

Katya's eyes shoot up in surprise but soon she's grinning wide and kissing Trixie like she's the best thing that ever happened to her.

"I love you."

*

Trixie is so nervous the entire way there, starting from the moment Katya had stopped at her house to pick her up to the airport, that Katya is almost scared she's gonna have a heart attack before they even fly over Texas.

"Trixie, it's my family, not serial killers."

Trixis is gripping tight on the airplane sits, eyes focused ahead. To anyone else it would simply seem she's afraid of flying, but Katya knows she actually likes airplanes and this is most likely due to family panicking.

"Well, one doesn't cancel the other, specially with you." There's a small smile at Trixie's lips even if she's still staring at the back of the seat in front of her.

Katya laughs but puts her hand over Trixie's and tugs at it a bit so she'll will look at her. "You have nothing to worry about. It's just gonna be a couple of days where we don't have to worry about cleaning the house and food is going to be constantly thrust upon us."

Trixie's eyes widen a bit at the last part. "Oh my god, did you tell your mom I'm a vegetarian?"

"Yes, but-"

"Oh my god, I can't believe she'll have to plan all her meals around this, what a great first impression, maybe I sh-"

"Trixie," Katya demands and it stops her rambling. "My sister's husband is a vegetarian, too. My mom always makes lots of meat free dishes, more than the opposite. She has lots of recipes and my brother doesn't like olives so she won't use them either. _Calm down_."

Trixie takes a deep breath then, recognizes that she might be overreacting a little bit. She can't help it though, can't stop thinking of all the things that might go wrong. When she's listing scenarios in her head she always manages to end them with Katya breaking up with her and leaving her and her suitcase alone in the snowy streets of Boston. It's stupid, really, they're nowhere near a break-up and even if they were Katya would never throw her out, but it's hard arguing with her brain when she's entering the only situation in which she has no idea what to do really.

"Hey, I'm the one with anxiety here. Relax."

Trixia laughs a little and rests her head on Katya's shoulders. It's comforting really, the familiar feel of her bony structure and the faint smell of her shampoo and cigarettes. She closes her eyes and manages to sleep through the rest of the flight.

*

“Ok, anything I should know before we ring the bell?”

Katya seems exasperated at her and this is a new position for them, Trixie as the worried, paranoid one.

“Yes, because I would leave important details down to the last minute.”

She says it sarcastically but Trixie meets her eyes seriously. “Yes.”

Katya laughs at her deadpan. “There’s nothing, you know everything.” She rings the doorbell, then, she's probably anxious to see her family and leave the cold snow outside. Both of them have really gotten used to California weather.

Trixie squeezes her hand and she squeezes back. Trixie hopes she can make herself relax and enjoy a little, doesn't want to disrupt Katya's time with her family.

The door opens then, Katya's mom excited eyes meet her immediately, but then she’s opening her arms and marching to Trixie.

“Oh, yeah. She’s a hugger," Katya adds last minute.

Trixie's already swept in the embrace at that, her arms a little bit odd before she settle on hugging back even though there's a bit of snow on her coat.

"You must be Trixie! Oh, I'm so happy to meet you!" Her voice sounds happy and excited and the tone reminds Trixie of Katya. It makes her smile.

"Mom, you're crushing her."

"Oh, right, right." She lets Trixie go, but her hands still hold her arms. "You're gorgeous, honey. Katya wasn't lying."

Trixie can feel her cheeks warming up, and funnily so are Katya's.

"Thank you, Mrs. Zamo."

"Oh, nonsense, call me Pat."

"Mom, it's kinda cold here."

"Oh, yes, of course. Come in." She rushes them inside and when she's sure all the bags have gone in as well, she closes the door behind her and tackles her daughter in a hug. "How've you been, Pet?"

"Good, Mama. I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

Trixie feels like she's intruding, somehow, in this touching moment that has nothing to do with her. She also feels a pang in her chest, something very close to jealousy that she definitely doesn't want to feel but does, longs for the chance to have something like that - which she knows can't happen anymore, if it has ever.

But then they part and Katya's immediately search for her and she's by in her side in a second, their hands clasped, and their intertwined fingers warms her more than the heater.

"Well, you girls must be exhausted. Why don't you go take a nap? I was just about to start making dinner, I'll call you when it's ready. Katya, I've made the bed, but you know where to find more blankets and pillows if you need, right?"

"Sure. Thanks, Mom."

Pat excuses herself then and moves to the kitchen, leaving the two girls alone.

"Do you need something from your suitcase now or do you want to play the tired card and get my dad to bring it upstairs when he gets home?"

"Uh." Trixie bites her lip, considering. "We should just bring it up now, it's fine."

"Trixie, you know you don't have to 'make a good impression', right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just-"

"Ok, nevermind, suitcases up."

They go up the stairs, each with their own bag, and Katya opens the first door to the right and motions for Trixie to go inside.

"Uh… are we both sleeping here?"

"Yes?" Katya replies with confusion. "We're dating, Trixie."

She lets out a nervous laugh. "I know. Obviously. I just thought, with your parents..."

Katya rolls her eyes. "I wish I could tell you they've never walked in on me doing R rated things but I'd be lying."

Trixie snorts. "Of course you would."

"Come on, you're in my childhood bedroom in my childhood home. Look around, have fun, find my teen goth pics and blackmail me with them."

"You have posted one of those to your own instagram."

Katya grins. "Oh well."

Katya's old bed is a little smaller than the one they each have at their rooms, but they make do. Trixie insists she's not tired, wants to go down and help Katya's mom with dinner, but Katya is nothing if not convincing and drags her to the bed.

As Trixie's breath starts slowing down on Katya's neck, she murmurs, "I'm glad you're here."

Trixie falls asleep instantly after that, easy smile on her lips.

*

"So, how did you two meet?" Katya's sister asks after dinner when they're all seated in the living room with hot chocolate and the fireplace sizzling. Trixie's by the arm of the red couch, Katya's lean body enveloped onto hers much like a sloth. Trixie's self-conscious, knows she shouldn't be but can't help it, and yet she feels comfortable at the familiar feeling, nothing like Katya's warmth to ground her.

Katya rolls her eyes, Trixie knows she must have told her family the story already, but Trixie likes it, likes how it feels like they were destined to meet, so she tells it anyway. "Well, it was the first week of class and I was this lost freshman. So my roommate who had gotten there two days before had met this other freshman in the smoke area and someone was handing out flyers for the LGBT club. I saw it in Pearl's stuff and decided to go. Katya was the other freshman and decided to go, too."

Katya smiles at that, looks over at Trixie with a fond look on her face. "We could not be wearing two styles more different, as per usual, but we managed to both have the same earrings and I thought that was a sign, of course."

Now it's Trixie who rolls her eyes. "Yeah. And so we started talking and she told me that she had just come out to her parents in the car and it turns out so did I and we bonded immediately."

"You did?" Pat asks and Trixie gathers that whenever Katya told the story before she might have omitted that. Trixie knows why and feels her stomach churning at having said anything. "Oh, that's magical! Katya was so nervous, the poor thing. I thought it was university jitters but it really was this."

Trixie feels a lump in her throat all of a sudden.

"How did your folks react, Trixie?" Katya's sister asks again, doesn't notice the discomfort on her face. Trixie's hoping for a distraction, maybe Katya's new niece will cry and break the atmosphere, but nothing happens.

"Er… it was just my mum, really. My siblings are not really invested in my life and my step-dad… well, he wasn't the best."

"Oh." Everyone seems to say all at once, unsure of how to respond, apparently knowing where this is going.

"It didn't really go well." Trixie shrugs, as if it's no big deal. Katya is tense besides her and Trixie feels like crying a little. She's been there for a total of five hours and has already managed to fuck it up. She knew she shouldn't have come.

Trixie's ready to get up and excise herself when Pat reaches out from the other couch and touches her hand, her smile a little sad, but reassuring. "I'm sorry about that, dear. But if you ever need anything, you don't hesitate, okay?"

Trixie doesn't think it's possible, but the lump in her throat gets bigger. She manages to whisper a small "thank you," and is beyond grateful when everyone pretends to not see the tears in her eyes and change the subject.

Katya leans in, then, as close to her ear as she possibly can. "I love you."

Trixie loves her too. Loves her so much. She's so grateful for her existence.

She doesn't say it, doesn't want to extend this scene, but she squeezes Katya's thighs lightly and she's hopes she knows.

*

Apparently this is a thing they do, sitting down in front of the fireplace after dinner with hot chocolate. Trixie likes it, thinks it’s cute that they have this little ritual and that they seem to enjoy it. And she loves that Katya can sit by her side, practically on her lap really, and no one bats an eye. She’s growing more and more at ease with it, after an entire day of little affection touches that seemed to bother no one.

Truth is Trixie is not comfortable with keeping to herself. She likes to be unapologetic about who she is, now that she and Katya had been together for three years she does everything she can to not hide who they are, how happy she feels when she's with her. But something about _parents_ and _family_ just gets Trixie in such a state that it’s hard being logical with her.

Trixie is lost in thought, just half a mind to the conversation going on in the room, some friendly bickering between the three siblings, when her ear picks up the low hum of Dolly Parton on the background radio that’s been playing. She doesn’t mean to, but she perks up a little, and Katya is surprised for a little bit before she hears it too and laughs out loud

“God, your ears are _freaky_.”

Trixie covers her mouth as she laughs a little, her cheeks warm. Everyone is looking at her and she realizes that they’re actually confused.

“I… I’m a huge fan of Dolly Parton.”

They stop at that, pay attention to the radio, and soon they’re smiling appreciatively and it’s so nice her heart squeezes tight.

“Oh!” Katya exclaims then, hitting her thigh, and Trixie knows that whatever’s coming can’t be good. “You should sing for us!”

“Oh, no. No no no.”

“You sing?” Katya’s father asks excitedly, and Trixie’s surprised because he doesn’t talk as much as the rest of the family.

“I mean, I can carry a tune, unlike _some people_.” She looks pointedly at her girlfriend then, who gives a silent laugh. “Which makes Katya think I’m like a broadway star.”

“She can sing and she can dance and she can play like five different instruments, she _is_ a star.” Katya says with pride and Trixie tries to fight off a smug grin but it’s hard, even if her cheeks are still rosy.

“Can you play guitar?” Katya’s brother asks excitedly and Trixie can’t really help her own excitement at that.

“Since I was five.” She replied trying to sound sheepishly.

“Oh my god, play for us!” Pat asks clapping her hands in the same childish way Katya does and Trixie feels a surge of her own confidence for the first time in two days. “Go pick your guitar!”

Katya’s brother moves fast and Trixie’s excited, even if a little bit nervous. She doesn’t usually mind the attention when she’s with a guitar, but she tends to get lost in her own mind when she’s playing, sort of tunes out everyone and everything else in the room as her fingers strike the chords and form melodies. She doesn’t want to do that, doesn’t want everyone to get bored out of their minds without her noticing, but at the same time she loves the feeling of a guitar on her hands, feels at peace and knows it’s something she’s damn good at.

When he comes back she marvells at the model he has. It’s newer than hers, but her guitar being old is something that doesn’t bother her. Katya gives her some space, moves just a few inches away so that she can settle comfortably with the instrument, and she tries it a few times before she starts playing, her voice following closely with the words.

She chooses a slow Dolly song and it comes easy to her, her fingers and vocal cords move without her even having to prompt it, and just as she thought she would she gets lost in it. She loves the song, loves the warmth in the room, can feel Katya right by her side. She feels safe.

She finishes the song with a final flourish of her fingers and lets herself take a deep breath before she takes in the sight in the room in front of her. Back home, when her grandpa started teaching her guitar, her mom hadn’t been very happy at the expensive gift, so she refrained from using it a lot, afraid to break it. And then her step-dad came into picture and he _hated_ the noise, so she would never play when he was around, scared the few times she’d been playing and didn’t hear him get home. It'd gotten really bad the last time it happened, but she tries not to think about it.

So when she looks up and finds everyone’s eyes on her, sort of enamored and happy, content to pay attention to her and hear her playing, she feels shy for a second, but then remembers that Katya told her they were like that, that they’d like her and they’d be nice. So in a moment of what she considers bravery, she extends her left hand to Katya silently asking her to hold it. She does it immediately, their eyes meeting, and Trixie can feel herself letting go of the worry for the moment.

The rest of the evening is spent with Trixie and Katya’s brother discussing guitars brands and other instruments and what they liked to play the most, and Trixie’s so ingrained she doesn’t even notice when Katya leaves for the kitchen.

At night, when they lay down to sleep, Katya once again can’t seem to help herself.

“You’re having a good time!”

Trixie rolls her eyes but gets closer to her. “Yeah, I am. Your family is… great. They’re really great.”

“They are amazed by you.”

“Well, that’s stupid.”

Katya laughs loudly, pulls Trixie closer once she calms down. She searches for her eyes in the dark and the moonlight from the window allows for them so see it. “ _I’m_ amazed by you.”

Trixie’s breath catches on her throat, she can’t really help it when Katya’s been so wonderful the entire time. “I’m amazed by you, too.”

Katya smiles on her lips as she leans down to kiss her, and soon they’re asleep.

*

It's Christmas morning and, unlike the day before, Trixie's not the first one to wake up. She usually isn't, anyway, but she thought that the three days they'd spend in Katya's parents house would follow that path.

Today, they don't, and she knows that because what stirs her awake are the faint kisses Katya's leaving on her shoulders following a path to her neck. For a couple of seconds she's still figuring out where she is, blissful at the the feeling of Katya's lips, but then she remembers Katya's parents and Katya's siblings and her brother-in-law and she jolts a little.

Katya laughs lightly on her skin. "I was wondering how long it'd take."

"Shut up," Trixie replies, but she's smiling. It's Christmas morning, the house smells like gingerbread cookies, and light sun streaks are coming in through the blinds, all of this while she's very much curled into her girlfriend. It's hard not to smile. "You know we're not having sex in your parents house."

She can't see it, but she's sure Katya is rolling her eyes. "I already told you the walls are really thick so they wouldn't hear a thing."

"Katya, I will not stare your brother in the eyes and wonder if he heard you going down on me."

"What would you have to be embarrassed about, at least you're having sex."

"The point is-" Trixis starts saying, her eyes finally searching Katya's, when there's a knock on the door.

"Girls? Wake up, it's Christmas morning!" Pat's voice comes in through the door before her footsteps start getting farther away.

"See? What would you feel if we'd been in the middle of sex as she knocked on the door?"

"A deja-vu sensation?"

Trixie slaps her and starts getting up, eyes rolling. "Yes, please enlighten me on how many girls you've slept with in this bed."

She's sure Katya's rolling her eyes too, and soon her arms are around her middle, her face propped up on her shoulder and Trixie can imagine her on the tip of her toes to do so. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Idiot."

They get ready in a couple of minutes and soon they're in the living room, the last ones to arrive. No one mentions or bats an eye and it takes a minute for Trixie to comprehend that she's getting used to their dynamics, to how easy things seem to be all of the time. Katya sits on the floor next to the tree and pulls her down by her hand.

Trixie is happy to watch the family exchanging gifts, how thoughtful they all seem to be and how happy the family gets no matter what. Old Christmases at home flash through her eyes for a bit, a few with bad gifts, a few with no gifts at all, and one in which she was actually locked in her room because her step-dad was in a mood and had gotten drunk. She tries to remember the good ones, remembers that one time they visited her grandparents and she got this sweater that itched a whole lot but it was very pink so she wore it all winter. It'd been the last one before her grandfather passed away, and since then that memory had always been tainted.

She's pulled back to reality when Katya's sister sits down in front of her, a small wrapped box in her hands. "We tried getting some information from Katya on what you like, but it's still hard gifting people you've never met. I think next year will be much better." And then she pushes the box into Trixie's hand and gets up to tend to her baby who started crying.

The fact that they thought about her and wanted to get her a gift gets her emotional even if she doesn't know what it is yet, but what really brings a few tears to her eyes are her casual, easy words, _next year will be much better_ , as if they're already inviting her over, as if they don't even consider that she won't spend Christmas with them again, as if she's part of the family already and therefore guaranteed for the holidays.

She opens the box and is delighted at the little collection of pink things - just trinkets, really, a few day to day utilities that include a small necessaire and some hair clips. She loves it, loves that it's just a little something, really, to not leave her hanging, but that it is thought precisely to her taste and things she likes even though they depended on Katya to tell them about her. Her eyes then search the room, eager to show Katya how wonderful her family is even though Katya knows, but to show her how she understands it now, she truly does, and when she finds her she's already looking at her, big smile on her listickless lips.

She walks back to her side then, smile still big and bright, and sits down with their thighs touching. "What is it?"

Trixie shrugs, showing her the box but still unable to speak. "I love it," she ends up whispering.

"I'm glad. I think you're gonna like what I got you, too. I didn't bring it with me, though, that'd be complicated." Trixie glances at her then, curious. "Here, let me show you a picture."

Katya gets her phone and searches through her email, finally stopping at a "placed order" one, but Trixie can't make out the website. Then she opens it and soon the picture loads and Trixie's gasping.

"Katya..."

It's not a guitar, it's _the_ guitar. It's a restored model made to look exactly like the one her grandpa gave her all those many years ago, the one that she keeps at home still but can't really play because it was smashed that one time by her step-dad before he got out of her life. It's like a replica, only on a newer model, and Trixie's eyes are really welling up this time, she doesn't know what to say.

"I know your guitar still works and that you love it, but I thought you'd like being able to play _that_ guitar again, even if not quite the same one."

"I...I-" She can't really speak, can't really find the words to say how this holiday's being the best one that Trixie has ever had in her entire life and it's all because of Katya, of how much she cares and loves her and wants to make her happy.

And she can't find her voice, can't really convey it in words, so she lets go of all of the remaining fear she has and surges forward, links their lips together in a passionate kiss that she hopes will let Katya know that she cares and loves and wants her happy right back.

Katya kisses her back and waits for her to let go, probably wants to see how long before she realizes they're kissing in front of everyone. Thing is, Trixie's aware. For the first time she really doesn't care, knows that the people in the room don't care either and is just happy in the knowledge that she has a girlfriend who loves her, whose family seems to love her too and she can finally be herself, fully.

When they part, Katya's smiling wide and she realizes she is too. She finally looks around, is crusious really as to if they're being watched, and Pat has her phone in her hands.

"I hope you girls don't mind, but you looked so happy I had to snap a picture."

Trixie blushes at that, but can't help the happy little laugh that escapes her lips. She pecks Katya one more time and goes back to the presents, her mind clear and her heart finally back in the right place.

The fireplace is on, gingerbread cookies are on the table, and she's happy.

*

Trixie had originally thought that paying for two sets of round trip tickets to stay only three days was a waste of money, but at the same time she'd been glad it would be a short visit. Now, though, it's boxing day morning and they're closing their luggage and Trixie realizes she's actually sad to go.

As it turns out she was right, hot chocolate by the fireplace after dinner is a tradition and they'd done so the previous night. This time, though, Trixie had been able to fully engage, entered the conversations and even told them a little bit about herself, learning more about the others.

Now Trixie finally feels like she belongs there, like she's not intruding in their family holidays.

And now she's also leaving.

"All ready, Trix?" Katya asks from the door with her bag handle in hand.

"Yeah." Trixie grumbles, looks around one more time to see if she forgot anything and also to gain more time, even if just a bit.

Katya goes back inside, grabs her hand and links their fingers together. "We should go, then. Your guitar's waiting."

Trixie can see that Katya knows she's actually sad to leave, but despite the fact that she could very well brag that she knew all along Trixie would have a good time, she just deflects it. It's coming, though, she's sure, and that settles a weirdly happy feeling in her stomach at how she knows Katya.

"Yeah, I can't wait to play it until exactly ten everyday just to annoy Mr. Asher."

Katya laughs and they both head down, suitcases in hand.

Trixie doesn't expect to cry when saying goodbye to everyone, doesn't want to, really, so she swallows down her tears and hopes her voice isn't too emotional as she hugs Katya's sister and her husband and kisses their still very small baby. Katya's brother has a flight half an hour after theirs so he's also going to the airport and Katya's dad is driving them, so Pat is the only one left for her to hug.

She feels the tears brimming her eyes before she can try to stop them as Pat's small body envelopes her in a motherly hug she hadn't really felt in a long time.

"Thank you for everything." She manages to choke out, doesn't want anyone to think she's making too much of a deal out of this whilst she can't really help it.

"Anytime, dear. It was a pleasure and my home will always be open to you. You're good for my Katya."

"She's good for me, too," She replies immediately, because it's true. Too good, maybe, sometimes.

"You're good for each, then. That's the best kind of relationship."

And with that she lets her go, takes her hands up to wipe some of the tears away and soon Trixie has her coat on and is out of the door, heading to the airport.

Everything goes smoothly and amazingly fast, sooner than they expect they're saying goodbye to Katya's dad and even sooner they're boarding and leaving Katya's brother behind with a hug and a promise to visit him in Seattle.

It's only once they're on the plane that Trixie voices it out loud.

"I had the best time, Katya. Your family… they really are really great."

Katya's smile is smug but also fond. "So you're saying I was right."

Trixie rolls her eyes. "Don't ruin the moment, idiot."

Katya laughs but leans up to kiss her, and Trixie lets her, happy to finish their little holiday time out like this before she has to be back at the makeup counter the next day and Katya to the unfinished project she has waiting for her on the photography studio she's interning in.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"I did." She nods, looks out the window for a second before looking back. "I love you." She adds, feels like these past few days Katya has started every heartfelt moment they had and wants her to know that everything she feels is reciprocated, that Trixie is also tremendously in love with her, specially after this.

"I know," she replies with, somehow knowing exactly what Trixie is feeling. "I can't wait for us to move in together and have a Christmas like that at our own place." And with that she leans her head on Trixie's shoulder, lets her eyes close and drifts off to sleep.

Trixie leans her head on hers, shivers down her arms and smile on her lips at her words, and lets sleep take her in, too.

She can't wait for more Christmas like this, too. She knows there'll be many.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @[Pichitinha](http://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, follow me!


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